Yep, Telstra Again

It was only a matter of time before I mentioned the word Telstra. Regular readers out there (all 2.5 of you) will be thinking, "Oh no, what now ?". But yes, they've done it again. They've exceeded even my wildest expectations of ongoing corporate stupidity and chaos. Read on...

Some months ago one of their door-to- door reps asked the Dear Handbrake if we wanted Cable ADSL at the same price as our current ADSL broadband delivery method. Exactly the same terms and conditions. So when he called back while I was home we signed up for the deal. That was on the 28th July. It was to be installed within 20 days. I thought no more of it for a few weeks - after all it wasn't going to cost anything and our internet system is reasonably fast anyway (I remember dial-up).

Today they phoned up trying to sell us Foxtel. The Dear Handbrake and I barely watch TV (Morning Show and News being about it) so I said, "No thanks - but you can tell me what's happened to our cable broadband installation...". After some investigation it now transpires that cable broadband isn't available hereabouts and never was. But I think I'd already assumed that since it was 3 and a half months ago.

Then he said, "Your mobile is just out of contract, would you like to renew it ?" To which I replied, "I did that a few months ago - just before you announced you were trashing my old website in your quest for a smoother and better customer service delivery." He checked. I was right, I had renewed it.

I have shares in Telstra. I worry sometimes. Am I alone ?

Some Instructions

Presumably these instructions are for those doughy country folk arriving at Brisbane Central Station who have never seen an escalator before or don't know how they work. I'm not quite sure about the 'automatic' aspect. I guess it works automatically whether anyone is on it or not. Good old QR.

Brownsville

Brownsville, the derogatory term by which Cairns residents often refer to the best city in North Queensland, Townsville. They know nothing, it's a great place. The frangipanis are at their best.

I got to spend a few days there for work recently and it makes a change to work normal office hours rather than the sunrise to sunset nonsense that I have to put up with normally. The only problem is that I still wake up at the normal time and then spend an hour and a half wandering the streets waiting for the office to open. On day one I thought I'd have breakfast in the mall and selected a likely looking café. I got ushered onto the upstairs balcony round the edge of some corporate strategic breakfast meeting (which would have annoyed me if I'd been presenting at the time). I had a quick glance at the menu and ordered one of my standards - cinnamon toast and a black coffee. The young waiter was probably a backpacker, sounded German, and had a lot of troubel with 'cinnamon'. Eventually I said ' the guy in the kitchen will know what I want' and off he went. A long time went by and as soon as he emerged onto the balcony I knew it had been a colossal mistake. Whatever it was, it wasn't cinnamon toast. A plate of smoked salmon appeared before me which I graciously declined. Eventually I ended up with a slice of toast with cinnamon sprinkled on it. Not the cinnamon sugar mix I and every other person in the country is used to, but straight out of the spice jar. OK, maybe it's not quite an antipodean culinary icon but it's not that unusual either.

Next day I found Café Bambini next to Woolies and proceeded to have breakfast there for the rest of my stay. They open at 6, know what they're doing and make a damned fine cinnamon toast.

Byron Bay Weekend

Last weekend we headed off to Byron Bay. We'd been promisi9ng ourselves a trip there for a while but our last effort coincided with the annual Blues Festival and accommodation was non-existent. This time we had no trouble getting accommodation about 30ks up the coast at Hastings Point. Accommodation at Byron Bay itself was out of the question - I already have a mortgage. The Friday night journey down from Brisbane was a nightmare, the first (and hopefully last) time I have to cope with such a ridiculous amount of traffic which I gather is pretty typical for the end of the working week. Driving about 80 ks out of the way when we reached the area because I hadn't looked at the map beforehand didn't help my mood either.

It's been a while since I've visited country New South Wales and after Queensland the roads seem horrendously over-regulated with more speed signs that you can shake a stick at and usually about 10 - 20 ks slower than an equivalent stretch back home. There were so many roundabouts on the coast road between Kingscliff and Pottsville I was starting to get quite nauseous at one stage. The scenery was beautiful though and the views from the lighthouse at Cape Byron are fantastic. Apart from an obsession which some businesses seem to have about reminding everyone that they work on New South Wales time (an hour ahead of Queensland sometimes) the area was well worth the drive. A special mention must go to Mokha in the main street where we had an excellent breakfast.

Perth - the City of Disappointment

I don't know what it is about Perth. I stayed at one of the hotels in the CBD for a couple of days for work earlier this week. It's not an unattractive city, it has a lovely setting on the banks of the Swan River and it's far from ugly. It's just that the CBD after hours (and we're talking 5.30) is as dead as the proverbial dodo. There's a couple of pubs open and some restaurants if you look hard but it lacks something undefinable that Brisbane, Sydney, Melbourne and even Hobart seem to have. Part of the reason is the ridiculous trading hours in the CBD which ensure that most things close early. I walked all over the place one evening looking for an appealing looking chinese restaurant and eventually found an Asian restaurant that resembled a milk-bar more than anything. Not a piece of red velvet wallpaper or chandelier in sight. Of course, on the way back to a hotel I passed another Asian restaurant with Cambodian overtones offering far more exciting dining options.

Maybe I've just got a bit of a thing about the place. On the first morning at the hotel they forgot to bring the undoubtedly delightful Manjimup truffle honey to go with my porridge. Next morning the café where I had breakfast got confused between a long macchiato and a giant sized flat white and took an eternity to bring me two pieces of toast. While my pad thai tasted OK. it lay like a giant lump of semi-digested noodles in my alimentary canal for half the night and I think I'm still getting over it 36 hours later. It came with some sliced chillis on the side which turned out to be capsicum masquerading as chilli. Quality control seems to be lacking. Perhaps it all stems from the city fathers who seriouslyneed to get on a plane and fly to Brisbane to see how it's done.

Perth, wake up to yourself before it's too late.

Virgin on the Ridiculous

I've never minded travelling on Virgin Blue. OK, I don't do it enough to make the velocity points really worthwhile but I judge them a bit above Jetstar although they also seem to be a bit more human these days at least judging from Friday afternoon's flight from Cairns to Brisbane.

I was originally coming home for a wedding this weekend and was scheduled to fly back to Cairns on Monday. However, changed work duties mean I now have to go to Perth on Tuesday afternoon so the Cairns flight was surplus to requirements. It was a cheapie Blue Saver fare so I couldn't change the destination, it had to be Cairns - or, as the pleasant young lady advised me over the phone, I could cancel it and use the credit for a different flight so long as I didn't mind the $48.50 cancellation charge. That sounded like a good option so I went back online and hit the big 'Cancel' button.

Now you and I might both be thinking that I would end up with a credit balance that represented the original cost of the flight, $172.00 minus the $48.50 cancellation charge i.e. $123.50. Like me you'd be totally and completely wrong. They actually deduct the $48.50 from your credit card. Perhaps I was going through a naive moment or was mentally drained by the two weeks at work but I really didn't see it coming.

Why do Australian airlines seem hell bent on irritating the crap out of their passengers ? To add insult to injury, now that I have a credit in the system I have to phone up and make a booking. Yes, you guessed it, that'll cost more than if I did it online....

Oh, there's a picture of a couple of tugs towing the Australian Navy vessel Wotsername (No 06) up the Mulgrave River taken from a delightful Cairns lunch spot called Mondo's on Friday. It's also called Mondo's on other days of the week too. My mobile phone takes a really crap picture doesn't it ?

She's Not Apples*

Sometimes it doesn't take much to set me off ranting and this morning presented me with a fine excuse. I was fairly crabby anyway because I had to get up at 4.10am to catch the 5.30 flight from Cairns to Brisbane and then it rained while I was waiting to board the plane (rain in Cairns shouldn't really come as a surprise though should it ?). Somewhere over Bowen the hostie passed a tray of breakfast over to me and it included this gem - a packet of sliced apple. To be honest it was quite nice and I suppose it's more manageable for the cabin crew than a pile of apples but is this a triumph of marketing genius or what ? Ready to Eat !!!! Thanks to the wonders of modern technology this version of the once popular fruit has been conveniently sliced up into individual bite sized pieces for easier handling and consumption.

If your eyesight is good and you can read back to front you'll note that the pack contains Apple and 'Natural Antioxidant' (302') which is, as everyone will know when they read the next few words, the preservative calcium ascorbate (a non-acidic form of vitamin C). But what the hell is a 'natural antioxidant' ? Antioxidizing properties it may well have but I fail to see how a manufactured chemical can be 'natural'. What a load of cobblers.

Anyone who eats this product also urgently needs to know that it 'may contain seed or seed pieces'. When did they stop being called 'pips' ? Oh for pity's sake !

And then there was the idiot on the airtrain on the way into Brisbane who tried to pry the train doors open with his hands because he hadn't seen the bloody great green button on either side of the door with 'Press Button to Open Door' written on it. At least that put a smile on my face.

* From the Aussie colloquialism, 'She's apples'.